Update: I'm Back!

 UPDATE: I'm Back!!!

It's been a while since I've blogged, and the main reason being that I wanted to take some time off from tracking, and see if I could fly solo.  Since July, I have not been tracking calories, or keeping tabs of what I've been eating.  I do try to make good choices whenever possible, but I do confess that my current eating habits (while drastic from before I began my journey) aren't nearly as healthy as when I was tracking, blogging and eating consciously.  I would have to say this was my own version of stabilization, but with out all the rules about how much of something I could eat in a day/week/etc.
I am happy to report that I have NOT gone over my half-way point.  Remember, this is with over 5 months of eating whatever I wanted, when I wanted.  The main rules I stuck to were: no bread, no pasta, no rice.  I tried to really stay away from starches like potatoes. I ate beans and grains minimally, like quinoa, barley, lentils.  Other than that, I ate anything and everything.
While, I only gained a minimal amount of weight, I noticed many changes in other parts of my body, and areas of my life.  This is why, while it was nice to take a break from consciously keeping tabs of everything that went in my mouth, I need to get back to tracking.

Pros/Cons:
These are the (negative) results I noticed by not tracking my food:
- loss of muscle
- loss of mental clarity
- eating when not hungry
- NOT drinking enough water
- constantly tired
- waking up in the middle of the night
- loss of energy
- brittle nails/hair
- loss of balance (in life)
- less of an inner peace (life seems a bit unbalanced, like I'm being pulled in various directions)
- lost connection to food (which I felt when I cleaned, prepped and prepared all my food)

To be fair, there are somethings I've gained by taking a vacation from consciously dieting (see my post on the word diet).  While I wouldn't call these positive results, they are points of consideration.
- knowing that I won't yo-yo back to my original starting weight, still under half-way mark.  (However, my body is not as toned as it used to be.  I know I've lost muscle b/c I "feel" bigger and my clothes don't fit the same)
- greater social life because I can go out eating & drinking with friends (following the rules above)
- less time food-shopping, cleaning, prepping, preparing and storing (although, you'd think I'd have more time.  I used to spend at least 3 hours/day on this! Now, I actually feel like there's less time in the day)
- being able to eat unlimited quantities of my favorite foods like CHEESE and Greek yogurt ICE CREAM.  (CAVEAT: although I didn't gain the weight back, these things lead to emotional eating)

What now?
As you can see, I've lost more by not being conscious of what I eat, and it's not just about the weight (and never really was).  I am confident after these 5 months, that I've completely changed my lifestyle, and that while I'm not thriving on the bad choices of my new lifestyle lately, I'm also not gaining weight or spiraling out of control.  NSV!

Story:
It was my birthday the other day, and I wanted to make a huge meal for my friends from work.  Most of my friends were Italian, so I decided to cook a huge Italian feast.  It got to the point that I knew that I would not be eating some of the things I was making/serving at the dinner.  This really bothered me because I LOVE to cook because I LOVE to see other people eating and enjoying food that I have prepared for them.  I wouldn't know what the food tasted like, if I didn't try it, and not only would I not feel comfortable serving it, but I wouldn't be joining in on a dinner celebrating ME.  I decided that night that I would make the huge feast, I would partake and that I would then return to my healthy mostly raw lifestyle.  I did eat a little pasta and a piece of cake that a very special friend made for me, that night, after 11 months!!!  I can't say that I really regret it because it was a conscious choice.  It wasn't a craving or a submission, it was an active choice- the last supper before I tackled my ext 40 lbs.  After that meal, I felt fine I didn't have any digestive problems, but I didn't have any further cravings for that type of food.  The pasta was great, but all the other healthier food that night was even better, I think.




Good Food vs Good Food
My mind has completely changed about what "good food" is. I think the greatest victory is learning what real FOOD is.  It's not about taste because your cravings will change!  It's about having food that FEEDS you, and this is what I miss most about my diet.  I still do crave a bowl of Kale salad more than anything, but the time it takes to go to the store, get all the veggies, wash them, dice them prep and clean up, well it seems like I don't have time these days.  BUT, the irony is that when I was taking the 3+ hours/ day to prepare all my meals, I had more balance and clarity, I slept better, I had more energy, and I felt like I had all the time in the world.  I need to get back to this place, pronto!


Plan of attack:
No, I'm not talking Dukan Attack- I don't think I could go back to JUST eating protein again.  My body craves veggies too much.  I mean my plan for tackling all the things that I've let creep back into my life, so that I feel like there's no time for ME.
Tomorrow morning I leave for vacation, to go to St. Thomas in the US Virgin Islands.  I opted out of the all-inclusive plan at the resort, and I'm going to try to eat as raw as possible.  I'm there for four days, and come back on Thanksgiving.  I am traveling alone, and I want this to be a mental vacation to gain clarity on what's important to me.  I will try to blog my way through it, and hope that you all will join me this week, while I get myself ready to tackle the other half of my weight goal, and get back on track!!!!






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